The Marriage Resource

Tools for a Healthy Marriage

Do you remember when you first met? She caught your eye with that beautiful smile, and you laughed every time he spoke (in a good way!). Relationships often begin with a period of relative bliss, in which all is well, you feel happy and intimate, and few problems exist. Sooner or later, though, the honeymoon is over and you find yourselves facing the many stresses of life together. Without hard work and the appropriate tools, your marriage can rapidly deteriorate or simply become stagnant.

This page is designed to help you prioritize your marriage and add some great tools to your toolbelt as you work to maintain and improve your marriage. You can recapture the closeness of your early relationship, and maybe even achieve greater intimacy as you work together today. Love is like a young tree - with the proper care and effort, it grows and blossoms more beautifully as the years go by.

Where Do We Start?

You can begin by realizing that your marriage is an "us", and not just a "you" or "me". No matter what problems are in your relationship, you are both playing a role in maintaining them and you will both have a role in changing things. Sometimes we have to search very carefully to find our own contribution to a problem; it often seems as though one partner or the other is responsible.

"Just fix my spouse!" is probably the most common plea from partners who seek couples therapy. But I promise you, there is something that you are doing to help the problem stick around - or at the very least, there is something you can do to be a part of the solution!

When you each acknowledge that you have a major role in determining whether your marriage sinks or floats, you're ready to reach into your collective toolbelt and get to work.

Filling Your Toolbelt

Maybe you're feeling a little unequipped when it comes to your marriage toolbelt. Perhaps you realize that the tools you've been using are either broken or altogether wrong for the job. These links might help you to repair what you've got, replace what needs to go, or simply add to your collection. [Linked content under development. Check back soon!]

Commitment
Work
Hope
Humility
Communication
Problem-Solving Skills
Intimacy
Emotional Softness
Confession
Forgiveness

When to Seek Help

Hey, it happens to the best of us. Sometimes we get so close to a problem that we can't see the forest for the trees! We can get so wrapped up in our own thoughts and feelings that it becomes impossible to see things any other way. If you feel like you're just going in circles with your spouse, doing your best but not getting anywhere, it may be time to get a second opinion. You know, talk with someone on the outside who might be able to see the problem more clearly and offer a new solution. Many counselors and therapists are specially trained to help marriages just like yours! So if you feel like you're stuck in a deep rut with no hope of getting out, consider contacting a professional.

Here are some of the most common reasons why couples seek therapy. Many of the issues are interrelated, and couples often experience more than one. But this list is not exhaustive - every couple involves a very unique blend of personalities and experiences. Whatever you're dealing with, a skilled therapist will likely be able to help you sort through your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors and help get you back on the road to wellness and intimacy.

Frequent or unresolved conflict
Difficulty in communication
Emotional distance between partners
Belief that one partner is responsible for all problems
Significant or ongoing hurts that have not been forgiven
Damaged or broken trust
Difficulty with in-laws (conflict, setting boundaries, etc.)

Differences in sexual interest
Difficulty with sexual intimacy (pain, anxiety, etc.)
Unfaithfulness of one or both partners
Pornography use or sexual addiction
Conflict that involves violence
Issues related to substance use (alcohol, drugs)
Difficulty with blended families/step-families/adoption

If one or more of these applies to your relationship, please consider couples therapy. If you're unsure, you can contact a therapist for a consultation, to discuss whether therapy might be helpful right now. It might take considerable time and work, but you can make the changes you long for in your marriage!

Find a therapist in your area.